all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
