Barsexuality is the new black.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
