Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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