I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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