Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
