Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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