do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
