I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
tell me about the fingering
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
