Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
