Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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