No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
