peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
