Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
