dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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