think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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