My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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