So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
