I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
