Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
