i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
