Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
