Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
this is an emotional support booty call
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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