Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
