at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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