went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
