from now on my penis is your penis
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
