We won't sleep together?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
