Where is the hickey?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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