I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
