last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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