If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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