Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
