If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
