You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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