Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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