smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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