Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
