that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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