I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
