In the future we'll all be gay
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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