I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
