The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
