you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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