He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
