only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
