Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
