nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher