I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
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We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
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jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?