Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  wtf?

  (904): View more from Florida

  It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'

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  (904): Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum' (1-904): wtf? (904): It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend' http://tfl.nu/kgyk
  Replies (14) Good night (4476) Bad night (898)
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  (345): View more from Cayman Islands

  so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper

  (574): View more from Indiana

  well at least shes not calling you fat anymore

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  (345): so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper (574): well at least shes not calling you fat anymore http://tfl.nu/rxln
  Replies (21) Good night (5837) Bad night (1014)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.

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  (952): history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/1q62
  Replies (17) Good night (6489) Bad night (1072)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.

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  (203): I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour. http://tfl.nu/xoad
  Replies (26) Good night (8289) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

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  (925): He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there. http://tfl.nu/tyej
  Replies (14) Good night (4112) Bad night (971)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.

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  (973): Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever. http://tfl.nu/k2hn
  Replies (90) Good night (1827) Bad night (24681)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.

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  (252): We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job. http://tfl.nu/vj5r
  Replies (11) Good night (2538) Bad night (1016)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better

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  (920): Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better http://tfl.nu/nui9
  Replies (5) Good night (586) Bad night (1618)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.

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  (630): i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other. http://tfl.nu/01p2
  Replies (4) Good night (1459) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!

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  (780): YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!! http://tfl.nu/6lp0
  Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.

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  (406): After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women. http://tfl.nu/36ea
  Replies (3) Good night (696) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad

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  (319): She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad http://tfl.nu/w994
  Replies (1) Good night (560) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".

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  (570): I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet". http://tfl.nu/7uaq
  Replies (0) Good night (557) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.

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  (316): If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple. http://tfl.nu/506q
  Replies (0) Good night (562) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"

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  (608): You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?" http://tfl.nu/g9qb
  Replies (0) Good night (623) Bad night (343)

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