i just wanna soil my oats bro
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
