Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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