i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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