Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize