I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the condom got lost in my hair
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
