told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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