it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
