Yo dont text me then not text me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
