That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
