Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
