Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
