I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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