Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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