it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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