we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
