SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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