I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
